Inspiration

Since I've become a new me, or started to change rather, my taste in music has always changed. When I was 18 you would have found a lot of gangster music on my iPod, even though I've never been anything like one. Now that I understand myself better I try to look for music that I can relate to, or that inspires me. These are some songs that either I just like a whole lot or they seem inspirational to me. I think that even someone who is not an avid hip-hop listener like myself might like something here.

(* asterisk means you might have to listen to the song more than once to understand it, as I did.)


Lupe Fiasco - The Cool*


Kendrick Lamar - Don't Understand


TiRon feat. Tunji & Ayomari - Quitter


Kendrick Lamar feat. Javonte - Opposites Attract


Kendrick Lamar - Cut You Off (To Grow Closer)


Kendrick Lamar - Growing Apart (To Get Closer)


Dom Kennedy - Can't Let Go


Kendrick Lamar - Vanity Slaves


Kendrick Lamar feat. BJ The Chicago Kid & Punch - Faith


Kendrick Lamar - Wanna Be Heard


Kendrick Lamar - I Hate You*


Jay-Z - Song Cry


Drake - Sooner Than Later


Big K.R.I.T. - As Small As A Giant


Big K.R.I.T. - Something


Big K.R.I.T. - 2000 & Beyond


J. Cole - I Get Up


J. Cole - Farewell


J. Cole - See World


J. Cole feat. Omen - The Badness

Okay, I've decided I'm going to make this a series. Because if I keep going this will be a long ass post, there's too many songs I wanna put up. Also it's kind hard for me to think because I recently lost my iPod that had over 7000 songs on it :(.

Hmmm...

On twitter I've been following a few different accounts that tweet astrology facts. Of course the only ones I look out for are the #cancer facts because that's what I am. The more I read these facts the more I'm starting to believe in astrology and whatnot. I mean the things that they tweet are literally facts about my life/personality. It's very informational and pretty advising. I always tell myself I wanna find out certain people's signs so I can figure things out about them but I always forget. But I think next time I get interested in a girl I'm going to find out her sign and research it. Not on some stalker type shit, I'm just curious. I've been looking at some of the astrology blogs and they post things like the compatibility of signs, people post their stories, it's really cool actually and something that I've become really interested in.

For example, I read this today on one of the blogs :"I am a Cancer male and even though I may seem shy,I'm not. Show me love and friendship and I will come out of my shell and I will give you everything of myself. I am very comfortable in my skin,so comfortable, I would rather be naked than dressed most of the time. I am extremely sexual.I love to satisfy my partner. I love to showoff and show my wild side, I love to be in front of a camera be it still or video or movie. I may wait and not make the first move,but I will lead once we know where we are going sexually. I may seem a loof,but deep down I'm a volcano ready to erupt anytime any where!"

After reading that I thought to myself, "Wow, why is this man typing my life". Yeah, it's crazy how the signs work. Now I'm not gonna just straight take this as my religion and follow each and everything it tells me to do, it's just the fact that how accurate it can be interests me.

!@#$

69..haha


I like chicks in kicks...


I would cum in my shorts if I got to go to this show...(not really, but it'd be pretty awesome)

I am learning.

I already know that within the past couple years I've dramatically grown and changed for the better. I know this because I feel better about myself, and the feedback I get from people is good as well. It's not easy though. Sometimes I have to stop myself from doing/saying something that I would have done/said before I went through what I've gone through. Sometimes when people piss me off I have the urge to go off on them or whatnot, but I constantly remind myself that it's not even worth it. When I think about it, all the grudges that I've held, all the hate that I was always expressing, it's fucking tiresome. It's literally mentally and emotionally exhausting and that shit drains my energy. First, of course, I had to start by forgiving myself for things that I had done, and I truly think that was the hardest part. Because I think for about a year and a half, I was just depressed, heartbroken, moody. It was bad, I wasn't myself, and a lot of people knew it. But once I forgave myself, I pretty much just took the pain and used as knowledge for the next time around whenever that comes. I feel that forgiveness is the most important thing that I'm teaching myself, or the Lord is teaching me I should say. When I was in jail, I gave myself to God and was saved. No one knows this besides the people that I was locked up with. But that's why I made this blog, to spill the things that I don't talk about. It felt good to say that..but anyways, that was when I really began to change. Now that I've started to learn to just let things go and forgive people, it really just makes me feel better. Instead of always retaliating and saying hurtful things like I used to when someone did me wrong forgiving them is just so much easier. It's like since I let God take the steering wheel, He's filtered my thoughts. I've also been forgiving people from my past, and I'm happy about it. It's like weight being lifted off of me. Now of course I am not perfect at this, I have my moments still. But like I said, I am learning.

It's so loud in my head, with words that I should have said

Frustrated to the point my eyes start watering. Not feeling alone, but not feeling as wanted as I want to be, is that selfish? idk. Got my headphones on listening to music that relates to how I'm feeling. I about broke my xbox controller when this game pissed me off just now. Been thinking about the past more than usual, even though I know it doesn't matter anymore. I can always see the bright side of every bad situation that's already taken place. But it's the things that haven't been put into effect yet that I always assume won't go good. Hence this title. I always think about what would have happened granted I would have spat out what the fuck I wanted to say. But I always envision getting a negative response, just like I have before.