It's so loud in my head, with words that I should have said

Frustrated to the point my eyes start watering. Not feeling alone, but not feeling as wanted as I want to be, is that selfish? idk. Got my headphones on listening to music that relates to how I'm feeling. I about broke my xbox controller when this game pissed me off just now. Been thinking about the past more than usual, even though I know it doesn't matter anymore. I can always see the bright side of every bad situation that's already taken place. But it's the things that haven't been put into effect yet that I always assume won't go good. Hence this title. I always think about what would have happened granted I would have spat out what the fuck I wanted to say. But I always envision getting a negative response, just like I have before.