I am learning.

I already know that within the past couple years I've dramatically grown and changed for the better. I know this because I feel better about myself, and the feedback I get from people is good as well. It's not easy though. Sometimes I have to stop myself from doing/saying something that I would have done/said before I went through what I've gone through. Sometimes when people piss me off I have the urge to go off on them or whatnot, but I constantly remind myself that it's not even worth it. When I think about it, all the grudges that I've held, all the hate that I was always expressing, it's fucking tiresome. It's literally mentally and emotionally exhausting and that shit drains my energy. First, of course, I had to start by forgiving myself for things that I had done, and I truly think that was the hardest part. Because I think for about a year and a half, I was just depressed, heartbroken, moody. It was bad, I wasn't myself, and a lot of people knew it. But once I forgave myself, I pretty much just took the pain and used as knowledge for the next time around whenever that comes. I feel that forgiveness is the most important thing that I'm teaching myself, or the Lord is teaching me I should say. When I was in jail, I gave myself to God and was saved. No one knows this besides the people that I was locked up with. But that's why I made this blog, to spill the things that I don't talk about. It felt good to say that..but anyways, that was when I really began to change. Now that I've started to learn to just let things go and forgive people, it really just makes me feel better. Instead of always retaliating and saying hurtful things like I used to when someone did me wrong forgiving them is just so much easier. It's like since I let God take the steering wheel, He's filtered my thoughts. I've also been forgiving people from my past, and I'm happy about it. It's like weight being lifted off of me. Now of course I am not perfect at this, I have my moments still. But like I said, I am learning.